Last evening my daughter called to see if I could come over and babysit my almost nine month old grandson for the evening so they could go out and look at cars. I had just finished all the putting together and quilting of a new piece that has to be delivered on Wed. and needed to true it up and put the binding and sleeve on...but really too tire to do it last night.
Went over and when Jacob heard my voice he broke out in to a big smile. Boy oh boy, if that isn't enough to make your heart melt! Then he reached for me! Of course, by then I was putty in his little grabby hands.
What was so very special is that I could just lay down on the floor with him and observe and interact with him in ways I was never able to do as a parent with my own two children. I'm not working out of the home, I'm not in a very stressful job, I don't have to get up at any certain time, I've raised children and am much more comfortable with them, and I don't have day in and day out responsibility for him. I could watch his little mind work. He isn't crawling yet...almost, but he inch-worms himself around and as a consequence has great upper body strength!
I watched him turn things on and turn things off. I watched him grasp things with great purpose. I watched him just studying things. I could just watch his little mind working. I listened to his new sounds and laughed at his new raspberry sounds and new giggles and laughs. Got to feed him dinner and give him a bath and just watch him playing in the water!
It was so just delightful. I babysit him every other Friday and I really look forward to that special time with him. I can not believe the feeling of utter love I have for this little boy but am so grateful that I am able to have this time with him and get to really know him in a special way that I never could with my own children.
I love being older...I feel wiser and steadier. I don't have to prove myself although my little bits of insecurity creep in at times. I am who I am and I don't feel like I have to apologize for myself (although I am beginning to wonder if I haven't gone off the deep end as I am so deeply committed to my art that I have a hard time focusing on other stuff at times!)
Sorry to give you all of this but it was important to me!