It is that time of the year...time to reflect upon the passing year and determine what we hope the new year will bring.
I have goals to set...very specific ones and time limited ones but I haven't sat down and written them out. So, instead I will comment on this past year.
Many know that I have suffered from depression for at least 13 years and have been on medication to control it. This past year has been somewhat difficult and I just recently completed a sleep apnea test and learned that I have severe sleep apnea. Being chronically tired will cause one to be depressed....so now I am going through the process of finding the right nose mask to work with the air machine that keeps my throat open at night so I can actually breathe and sleep all night long without having to wake myself up to catch a breath. I have already noticed a big difference. It is amazing how getting enough sleep without interruption can help bring a calming affect to me. I am also noticing a significant lifting of the depression and some energy returning. So, there are goals to be developed around caring for myself.
I am learning to be kinder to myself. That means that I don't expect myself to be a super woman/artist/mother/spouse/cook/daughter, etc. I can only do what I can do. And sometimes that isn't a lot and sometimes it is.
I have learned that I am not a very good friend...I don't follow up with people like I should in order to maintain friendships. Friendships take work.
I have learned that I need to work on my self discipline---I will easily go to the studio and make art rather than do the dishes, write the notes, call a friend, pick up the house (much lest do any cleaning) etc. But I have to decide just what form my self discipline needs to take...I know I need to spend more time on the business of art.
I have learned that I have some very good friends who hang in with me through all my ups and downs. I am not always a very easy person to be with...just ask my husband of 39 years!
I have learned that I am not as committed to being some kind of super artist as I thought and that I have to decide for myself just what my real goals are in art and what I consider success. Of course, this may change...I am just thinking about all the shows I didn't enter this year, etc.
But then, there have been a lot of personal and professional highs this year too...but more of that later....